by Bruce Reinhardt

This thing about women never forgetting ANYTHING starts very, very young.

Men have the opposite gene: that which requires them to only remember the important stuff.

For example, let’s say “the guy” mentions that a few summers ago, the weather never got too hot. And to this, “the woman” would respond with, “Well, I remember when you couldn’t get the lawnmower started, the temperature was 72 and there was a light breeze blowing from the east. My tulips and daffodils had just bloomed. In fact, it was April 6^th, 2003.”

That really drives men crazy, this “non-selective” memory phenomenon, because it doesn’t allow men to argue their way out of a damned thing.

So my five-year-old daughter and I are discovering the wonders of the first ‘Dollar Store’ that we had ever been in. She had no concept of money, but she was drawn like a moth to the bright lights when she saw aisle after aisle of toys.

I, of course, couldn’t believe the food area! Speaking of food, my wife still remembers when I was so excited about this big display of canned chili that took up an entire aisle at Target. At sixty-nine cents a can, it was a deal I could not pass up. I drug her all the way over to the display just to have her tell me that the “awesome deal” wasn’t for chili, but rather for DOG food! It looked just like a can of chili to me, but it was pretty hard to argue my way out of the fact that the can had the words “Dog Food” written all over it. My wife’s conclusion is that men will eat anything if it’s in a can, and especially if there’s a picture of meat on it.

Ummmm…Let me get back to the “Dollar Store” adventure.

As my daughter sat in one of the toy aisles I decided to go over to the next aisle to check out the household goods. I pick up this pack of light bulbs and say to myself, “Wow, four for a dollar! I’ve been paying nearly three times that amount at the hardware store.” Just then one of the bulbs slips out of its corrugated wrapper, free falls, and promptly explodes on the floor.

My daughter is the first one on the scene and says, “Geez, I heard that all over the store! Why are you throwing light bulbs, Daddy?”

“Why don’t you just keep your voice down you little miniature person?” I thought.

Now, do I run away like the wind, or do I do the right thing in front of my daughter and go get someone to help me clean it up so that some other little kid won’t get hurt by the broken glass? Knowing full well I had a vocal witness on my hands, I go fetch the manager and tell him I’m sorry and that I’ll pay for the light bulb and clean it up, too. He just laughs and says that everyday someone breaks something in the store, but they usually don’t tell anyone. Momentarily, my daughter stands impressed that I actually ‘fessed up’ and I feel good that I took this golden opportunity to demonstrate good, ethical behavior.

But, without missing a beat, my daughter (with perfect womanly timing) asks me, in my weakened sheepish condition, “Daddy, since we are already at the ‘Dollar Store’ can I get this Barbie look-a-like doll?”

Now, what could I say? Of course she could have the doll, though I knew full well that it would not serve in any way as a hush-doll. My wife was sure to be told all about “Daddy and the Light Bulb,” before we even got our shoes off.

Moral: If you are stupid enough to try to remember the details of something bad that you did, just ask your daughter. However, she probably has already volunteered that information, many times, without you asking….mine has.